fatal attraction

Anonymous said...
Rev I need some advice. I got this big amazon of a woman to give me her number the other day. I really didn't want it but it was fun to see if I could succeed in getting an engaged chic to go to the dark side. Now that I've succeded how do I get rid of the monstrosity? I truely fear for my life, shes huge!

dear an...us,
b...b...b...brother, the rrw apologizes for not responding to your crisis more expeditiously. i saw the word chic and thought that you had a fashion emergency. let me start the mentoring by informing you that chick is spelled with the letter k. whenever the letter k is present one may postulate that the the author is writing about a young and usually unmarried woman. chic, on the other hand, simply means stylish.
now for the important lesson, let me preach on it.....

n...n...n...never ever use your mojo for the wrong reasons. eveyone knows that a married man appears more attractive to the opposite sex. it's because he is no longer using his wiles to try to charm maidens. he unintentionally ignores their deepest desire; for some young man to make a fool of himself because he is so beguiled by their feminine beauty. you see my brother, since you genuinely were not interested in this amazon, you had no trouble trying to get her phone number. your indifference toward her, gave you the 'married man' appeal. you even admitted that the the act of getting her phone number was an enjoyable challenge. now here's the scary part my brother; amazons need loving too. this amazon is going to tear you apart, and you probably deserve it. however, let me assure you that it will not kill you. the torture that you are about to experience is all mental. you may even consider it worse than death, but this too shall pass.

m...m...m...my brother ike godsey, once had a similar experience. ike claims that there was no physical contact, however just being held captive, in close proximity to the brutish beast, left him mentally and sexually incompetent for three years. now, let me be the first to say that your amazon already looks like mrs. america in comparison to brother ike's stalker. the worst part is that she still is after his ass. the local game wardens told him four years ago "to go ahead and give her some, so she would leave him alone." but ike would not listen, fortunately you now have that chance. go ahead and get the deed out of your way. with a six pack of malt liquor in you, let your amazon take what she wants and be done with you. you have dug a deep hole, but if you follow the rrw's advice, we may soon have you seeing the light again. (and not just around novelty.)
peace out!