knock, knock; "drew's" there....

axe the co-worker said...
Dear RRW, first of all, I enjoy your advice.....Now I need help. I have this co worker named "Drew" and he has a slight crush on me. I do not knock on back doors and I don't pack fudge. He has made several remarks about the pants that I am wearing and has asked me to go to bars to help him find someone. He even makes excuses to call me at home or on my cell. PLEASE HELP ME! I know that I am not reading into this.

dear axe,
you did not mention this in your question, but i'm going to assume from your homophobic metaphors that you both are men. the rrw has absolutely no experience in the advice i am about to distribute, but there is an old saying "it takes one to know one," that i think would be appropriate in this case.
let me preach on it......

i...i...i...i'm not saying that you're a gay. i'm just saying that you don't know yet. over the years, the rrw has completely changed his perception of male homosexuals. as i have grown older and completely aware of my sexual orientation, i have lost all phobias about being around any member of the gay community. you must understand my brother, that most gay men have, what is known as, a "gaydar" capable of locating other gay men. and you have shown up on drew's like a wwII dirigible. and of course i mean the noun, not the adjective. ha!

i...i...i...i would implore that you not be a dumbaxe, just consider the benefits of an alternative lifestyle. the first thing that comes to mind, is an awesome wardrobe. gay men simply dress better. they have a better sense of style, afterall there is no television program called "redneck eye for the straight guy." (bubba to jim bob, 'i think we need to put a tree stand in this corner of his blaze orange kitchen.') gay men have better hygiene. you now get to have the latest hair style. maybe even some highlights. you also get to bathe twice a day. this is what elimnated the rrw from an alternative lifestyle. now for the most important quality, the one that will appease your grandchildless mother. gay men are successful. there, i said it...it's a stereotype that we all have, but sit for a moment and take inventory of all the gay men that you know. (pause) like i said, successful.

t...t...t...the rrw would usually dispense advice like, "don't crap where you eat." that would simply mean, that one shouldn't date a coworker. but as mixed up as you seem to be, i would advise for you to "ride the tide." you should understand, that other than the anal intercourse, there is practically no reason why you shouldn't atleast give "drew" a chance. now that you've been fired from g.e., and you've gotten thrown out of court, you can ride your bicycle over to his house, for some daily man love......
peace out!