the outlaws

Anonymous said...
LIVING IN IN-LAW HELL.....RRW...PLEASE HELP! i can not stand my in-laws...i hate going to their family "DIS-functions" and when i refuse i need to get some cheese out to go with his (my spouses) whining! IF i have to go how do i PRETEND to have a good time?

dear an...us,
i think what we need to establish, is the reason why you hate going to the in-law's family functions. there is a specific reason that we need to isolate and deal with here. even kids can find something to do to occupy themselves for a while. what i'm saying is, there is no reason why you can't find something at these functions, that is fun to do. something to help pass the time.
let me preach on it.....

f...f...f...family relationships is very important to any marriage. in other words, you need to get along with the in-laws, my sister. just be glad that you don't have to sit with your twin sister-in-laws and pretend that one of them is not satan incarnate. pretend is the key word here. you can pretend that you don't know that she has tightened more nuts than a sear's socket set. when you've had enough of her repulsive appearance, you can then look at the other sister and pretend that your wife will one day, inherit her wardrobe and feel compelled to drop a couple of dress sizes and try to squeeze into it. also, try pretending that you have no desire to choke the piss out of your mother-in-law just for taking in oxygen.
if all else fails, may i suggest that you try a little of that 'wine' to which you alluded earlier. with a bottle of granny's home made wine elixir, you'll be glad to let mother-in-law preach her tainted version of the gospel. sister-in-law number one will lose the pitch fork and she'll appear as angelic as her twin. but you must be careful with the elixir my sister, too much and you'll be wrestling with your father-in-law, out in the front yard with your shirts off. a wrestling match that will take place with you wearing a luchadore mask you picked up in cancun, and your father-in-law wearing your old hooter's shorts. in any case, it will be a christmas to remember. and at least they will never invite you to another 'dysfuction' again.
peace out!