House Wife said...
RRW, I am ready to kick my husband's ass. He gives me a hard time every single time I cook a meal. He doesn't like this, he doesn't like that. What am I suppose to do? We have 5 children. I have to cook something that everyone will eat. I can't please him all the time. It can't be a steak on the table every night. He's going to break our checking account.
dear house wife,
t...t...t...the key to understanding your husband's gripe, is to first understand your husband. let's look at the fact that you have five children. that little piece of info tells the rrw that your husband likes to get his freak on. now, with those five young-uns running around the house, i'm willing to bet things have been alot less freaky lately. now don't get me wrong, i think children are a wonderful thing. and there's certainly nothing i hate more than some dried-up childless couple, running around sticking their noses in everyone else's business because they have nothing to do in their "golden" years. but sometimes it can be difficult taking the tug boat to tuna town, when there are so many distractions.
w...w...w...what i'm trying to say, is that your husband isn't necessarily tired of you not cooking meat. the poor boy just wants you to warm up his tube steak alittle, if you're picking up what i'm putting down. if you want to fix him something that he is sure to enjoy, just go up around novelty and borrow your neighbor's leather, ass-less chaps and gimp mask. you are just a "dirty sanchez" away from rekindling that loving feeling. my sister you are right, there can't be a steak on the table every night, but there can be a dessert.
peace out!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
backyard bully
Bully Hell said...
Rev, I have a child in Kindergarten. "Jeremy" comes home every day crying that "Becker and Johnny" are telling on him for stuff that he is not doing. They made him spill his milk at lunch the other day, I have to pay for that. I have had enough, I have requested meetings with "Becker's and Johnny's" parents and with me and my husband. The teacher is begining to see that "Becker and Johnny" are always crying wolf. Just not sure what is being done about it. I need to make this stop. It is a waste of the teachers time and a waste of the principals time. I wish that these kids could be moved out of Jeremy's classroom.
dear bully hell,
d...d...d...damn this has a ring of familiarity to it. this is a bad situation for your son, but jeremy should learn to deal with punks like becker and johnny (for reference, let's just call them bj.) kids are quick to learn, and jeremy should learn that he doesn't need to be afraid of bj. i'm not recommending that he takes them as they come, because it sounds like bj could be tough to swallow, but he does need to stand up for himself. infact jeremy and all his friends should start standing up to the duo. once the entire class shows them, that they are not going to put up with their bullying, i'm willing to bet that everyone will realize that bj is not intimadating at all. infact they are pathetic. i do believe that they may start "crying wolf" even more, but the teacher and other administrators are not fools. they will simply let them tattle on with the realization that the pair are liars, and simply ignore their accusations all together.
o...o...o...once the administrators begin ignoring them, that is when their true behavior should become evident. jeremy should be warned that bj will start rummaging through the trash cans. bj may even start peeping at young girls. that stuff is kind of wierd enough, but if they ever start bothering young boys that are waiting for their school bus, tell that boy's father to put a boot up the crack of that pedophile's ass. i can only hope that bj will start playing with each other, like normal people, and start living normally. keep in mind that "normal" is an arbitrary word, but damn.... can't we find these two some prozac or ritalin????
i...i...i...if the situation doesn't improve, i would say for the sake of the class, to let jeremy rip their ears off and stick it in their pockets so they could hear him kick their ass. in other words, to metaphorically run his milk truck through their yard.
peace out!
Rev, I have a child in Kindergarten. "Jeremy" comes home every day crying that "Becker and Johnny" are telling on him for stuff that he is not doing. They made him spill his milk at lunch the other day, I have to pay for that. I have had enough, I have requested meetings with "Becker's and Johnny's" parents and with me and my husband. The teacher is begining to see that "Becker and Johnny" are always crying wolf. Just not sure what is being done about it. I need to make this stop. It is a waste of the teachers time and a waste of the principals time. I wish that these kids could be moved out of Jeremy's classroom.
dear bully hell,
d...d...d...damn this has a ring of familiarity to it. this is a bad situation for your son, but jeremy should learn to deal with punks like becker and johnny (for reference, let's just call them bj.) kids are quick to learn, and jeremy should learn that he doesn't need to be afraid of bj. i'm not recommending that he takes them as they come, because it sounds like bj could be tough to swallow, but he does need to stand up for himself. infact jeremy and all his friends should start standing up to the duo. once the entire class shows them, that they are not going to put up with their bullying, i'm willing to bet that everyone will realize that bj is not intimadating at all. infact they are pathetic. i do believe that they may start "crying wolf" even more, but the teacher and other administrators are not fools. they will simply let them tattle on with the realization that the pair are liars, and simply ignore their accusations all together.
o...o...o...once the administrators begin ignoring them, that is when their true behavior should become evident. jeremy should be warned that bj will start rummaging through the trash cans. bj may even start peeping at young girls. that stuff is kind of wierd enough, but if they ever start bothering young boys that are waiting for their school bus, tell that boy's father to put a boot up the crack of that pedophile's ass. i can only hope that bj will start playing with each other, like normal people, and start living normally. keep in mind that "normal" is an arbitrary word, but damn.... can't we find these two some prozac or ritalin????
i...i...i...if the situation doesn't improve, i would say for the sake of the class, to let jeremy rip their ears off and stick it in their pockets so they could hear him kick their ass. in other words, to metaphorically run his milk truck through their yard.
peace out!
Monday, February 11, 2008
mammogram
grossed out said...
RRW, I came across this non sense online today. WTF could make a crazy person write about their freakin mamogram on their blogs? Please read below.....Mammograms at Franklin Memorial Hospital are much more comfortable than those done at Lewis-Gale (thanks to a spongy pad the FM radiologist places between mammogram-ee and the icy cold X-ray thingie), I don’t have to walk as far to get to radiology, and they even let the mammogram-ee take home the pad which can be used for all sorts of craft projects. Plus the wait is much faster than at Lewis-Gale.
dear grossed out,
i...i...i...i am still laughing at their stupidity. the fact that this dumb cunt even has the ability to write amazes me. it's even more amazing that some school teacher had the talent to teach this ignoramus to read and write. seriously, i can not imagine that someone is so self absorbed, they believe people would actually be interested in reading this crap. but afterall, isn't this one of the things wrong with our nation today.
let me preach on it....
a...a...a...alot of people have the ability to text, or to write their thoughts to others. if you stop and think about it for a second, the consequence of today's high-tech world is that we have truley boring people, who never learn to communicate with people face to face. they never learn to actually make friends. yeah sure, they can send a superficial text message or email, but they have no concept for how people interact. let's stop for a second and take a look at ole mammogram. i am willing to bet you a nickle to a biscuit, that she does have aquaintences, but no friends. apparently she has never interacted with people face to face. so, we have this dufus out there, with access to the internet, typing this stupid shit.
w...w...w...what the ho bag needs to do, is to try to get a man to squeeze on her mammory glands and not some x-ray technician. a true friend would have told her to quit worrying about her arts and crafts, and try to get her freak on. she needs to go a few rounds with the bald headed champ, if you're picking up what i'm putting down. but we've established that she doesn't have friends.... exactly!!! that's why we have to read about her mammograms online, while her australian sheppard is getting sick of the peanut butter parties.
peace out!
RRW, I came across this non sense online today. WTF could make a crazy person write about their freakin mamogram on their blogs? Please read below.....Mammograms at Franklin Memorial Hospital are much more comfortable than those done at Lewis-Gale (thanks to a spongy pad the FM radiologist places between mammogram-ee and the icy cold X-ray thingie), I don’t have to walk as far to get to radiology, and they even let the mammogram-ee take home the pad which can be used for all sorts of craft projects. Plus the wait is much faster than at Lewis-Gale.
dear grossed out,
i...i...i...i am still laughing at their stupidity. the fact that this dumb cunt even has the ability to write amazes me. it's even more amazing that some school teacher had the talent to teach this ignoramus to read and write. seriously, i can not imagine that someone is so self absorbed, they believe people would actually be interested in reading this crap. but afterall, isn't this one of the things wrong with our nation today.
let me preach on it....
a...a...a...alot of people have the ability to text, or to write their thoughts to others. if you stop and think about it for a second, the consequence of today's high-tech world is that we have truley boring people, who never learn to communicate with people face to face. they never learn to actually make friends. yeah sure, they can send a superficial text message or email, but they have no concept for how people interact. let's stop for a second and take a look at ole mammogram. i am willing to bet you a nickle to a biscuit, that she does have aquaintences, but no friends. apparently she has never interacted with people face to face. so, we have this dufus out there, with access to the internet, typing this stupid shit.
w...w...w...what the ho bag needs to do, is to try to get a man to squeeze on her mammory glands and not some x-ray technician. a true friend would have told her to quit worrying about her arts and crafts, and try to get her freak on. she needs to go a few rounds with the bald headed champ, if you're picking up what i'm putting down. but we've established that she doesn't have friends.... exactly!!! that's why we have to read about her mammograms online, while her australian sheppard is getting sick of the peanut butter parties.
peace out!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
music advice
Battle of the Bands said...
Liberace (I hope I spelt that correct), Michael Bolton or George Michael? Which one do you think is the best artist?
dear b.o.b.,
a...a...a...although i am somewhat familiar with the gentlemen that you alluded to previously, i was not aware that they had ever painted anything. however something about you has become painfully obvious to the rrw.
let me preach on it.....
i...i...i...i actually took a survey, and 97% of the people surveyed agreed that your sexuality has taken a long hike and returned wearing leather pants. your familiarity with the three 'artist' is a sure sign of your preferences. for example: i'm willing to guess that you also prefer pina coladas to jack daniels. that you know every word to gloria gaynor's "i will survive." that you have bid on more than one liza minelli memorabilia on ebay. have skid marks on both the front of your yard and the back of your tightie whities. are you picking up what i'm putting down??
l...l...l...listen, everybody knows who liberace was, and he never painted anything. if by 'artist' you mean his musical ability, i would remind you that although he was great on the piano, liberace really sucked on the organ. ha! michael bolton an 'artist?' mr. mullet perm came and went with november 1988. i can't name one michael revolting song today. that would leave george michael as the best of the three 'artist' you named. i'm going to give george michael the nod simply because he refused to hire a lawyer when he was caught having sex with a man in a bathroom stall. this is not a joke. george michael said that from then on, he "would concentrate on getting (himself) off." that's good advice for you too my brother.
i...i...i...if you want to hear some really good music try barry white, otis redding or even marvin gay. i have no doubt that you will atleast think about the last artist for appellation sake, but what i really want you to check out is some good ole blues. so let me reiterate, good music = white, redding, blues. damn, that's patriotic.
peace out!
Liberace (I hope I spelt that correct), Michael Bolton or George Michael? Which one do you think is the best artist?
dear b.o.b.,
a...a...a...although i am somewhat familiar with the gentlemen that you alluded to previously, i was not aware that they had ever painted anything. however something about you has become painfully obvious to the rrw.
let me preach on it.....
i...i...i...i actually took a survey, and 97% of the people surveyed agreed that your sexuality has taken a long hike and returned wearing leather pants. your familiarity with the three 'artist' is a sure sign of your preferences. for example: i'm willing to guess that you also prefer pina coladas to jack daniels. that you know every word to gloria gaynor's "i will survive." that you have bid on more than one liza minelli memorabilia on ebay. have skid marks on both the front of your yard and the back of your tightie whities. are you picking up what i'm putting down??
l...l...l...listen, everybody knows who liberace was, and he never painted anything. if by 'artist' you mean his musical ability, i would remind you that although he was great on the piano, liberace really sucked on the organ. ha! michael bolton an 'artist?' mr. mullet perm came and went with november 1988. i can't name one michael revolting song today. that would leave george michael as the best of the three 'artist' you named. i'm going to give george michael the nod simply because he refused to hire a lawyer when he was caught having sex with a man in a bathroom stall. this is not a joke. george michael said that from then on, he "would concentrate on getting (himself) off." that's good advice for you too my brother.
i...i...i...if you want to hear some really good music try barry white, otis redding or even marvin gay. i have no doubt that you will atleast think about the last artist for appellation sake, but what i really want you to check out is some good ole blues. so let me reiterate, good music = white, redding, blues. damn, that's patriotic.
peace out!
Friday, February 1, 2008
to whom it may concern
t...t...t...the rrw believes that you click on this blog for a reason. most blogs are informative, humorous or atleast somewhat entertaining. and i hope that i've have atleast entertained my internet congregation. i find nothing more boring than some self-absorbed asshole going on about the tiniest minutia of their monotonous life. does anyone really care to read their meaningless dribble? if you can't even be creative enough to make your dull life somewhat colorful on a blog, you must really be pathetic. let me preach on it.....
o...o...o...one of my reasons for starting this blog was to deal with an internet bully. they may consider my blog a formal 'fuck you', but i've said in an earlier post that you can not push me because i will resist, and that's what my blog is. in the process of pushing back i've discovered
how a dog will tuck their tale and cower if confronted. isn't it even more interesting how hypocritical these same dogs will get??? freedom of speech applies to all. don't rant and rave about your belief in the first amendment and then try to serve warrants on me, for exercising that very right. suck it up and take it like a man/boy. keep in mind that i'm only returning the favor. i'm just alot better at it than you. and by it i mean blogging/writing/etc... afterall, if you can't run with the big dogs, keep your ass home under the porch.
n...n...n...now for the really good part. after having literarily bitch slapped the internet nuisance, i have developed an internet following. from zero to hero. apparently the sexual chocolates are not the only ones clicking on this blog, and the rrw is here to help all. i will continue to do my best to entertain, inform and make you laugh. peace out!
o...o...o...one of my reasons for starting this blog was to deal with an internet bully. they may consider my blog a formal 'fuck you', but i've said in an earlier post that you can not push me because i will resist, and that's what my blog is. in the process of pushing back i've discovered
how a dog will tuck their tale and cower if confronted. isn't it even more interesting how hypocritical these same dogs will get??? freedom of speech applies to all. don't rant and rave about your belief in the first amendment and then try to serve warrants on me, for exercising that very right. suck it up and take it like a man/boy. keep in mind that i'm only returning the favor. i'm just alot better at it than you. and by it i mean blogging/writing/etc... afterall, if you can't run with the big dogs, keep your ass home under the porch.
n...n...n...now for the really good part. after having literarily bitch slapped the internet nuisance, i have developed an internet following. from zero to hero. apparently the sexual chocolates are not the only ones clicking on this blog, and the rrw is here to help all. i will continue to do my best to entertain, inform and make you laugh. peace out!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
fatal attraction
Anonymous said...
Rev I need some advice. I got this big amazon of a woman to give me her number the other day. I really didn't want it but it was fun to see if I could succeed in getting an engaged chic to go to the dark side. Now that I've succeded how do I get rid of the monstrosity? I truely fear for my life, shes huge!
dear an...us,
b...b...b...brother, the rrw apologizes for not responding to your crisis more expeditiously. i saw the word chic and thought that you had a fashion emergency. let me start the mentoring by informing you that chick is spelled with the letter k. whenever the letter k is present one may postulate that the the author is writing about a young and usually unmarried woman. chic, on the other hand, simply means stylish.
now for the important lesson, let me preach on it.....
n...n...n...never ever use your mojo for the wrong reasons. eveyone knows that a married man appears more attractive to the opposite sex. it's because he is no longer using his wiles to try to charm maidens. he unintentionally ignores their deepest desire; for some young man to make a fool of himself because he is so beguiled by their feminine beauty. you see my brother, since you genuinely were not interested in this amazon, you had no trouble trying to get her phone number. your indifference toward her, gave you the 'married man' appeal. you even admitted that the the act of getting her phone number was an enjoyable challenge. now here's the scary part my brother; amazons need loving too. this amazon is going to tear you apart, and you probably deserve it. however, let me assure you that it will not kill you. the torture that you are about to experience is all mental. you may even consider it worse than death, but this too shall pass.
m...m...m...my brother ike godsey, once had a similar experience. ike claims that there was no physical contact, however just being held captive, in close proximity to the brutish beast, left him mentally and sexually incompetent for three years. now, let me be the first to say that your amazon already looks like mrs. america in comparison to brother ike's stalker. the worst part is that she still is after his ass. the local game wardens told him four years ago "to go ahead and give her some, so she would leave him alone." but ike would not listen, fortunately you now have that chance. go ahead and get the deed out of your way. with a six pack of malt liquor in you, let your amazon take what she wants and be done with you. you have dug a deep hole, but if you follow the rrw's advice, we may soon have you seeing the light again. (and not just around novelty.)
peace out!
Rev I need some advice. I got this big amazon of a woman to give me her number the other day. I really didn't want it but it was fun to see if I could succeed in getting an engaged chic to go to the dark side. Now that I've succeded how do I get rid of the monstrosity? I truely fear for my life, shes huge!
dear an...us,
b...b...b...brother, the rrw apologizes for not responding to your crisis more expeditiously. i saw the word chic and thought that you had a fashion emergency. let me start the mentoring by informing you that chick is spelled with the letter k. whenever the letter k is present one may postulate that the the author is writing about a young and usually unmarried woman. chic, on the other hand, simply means stylish.
now for the important lesson, let me preach on it.....
n...n...n...never ever use your mojo for the wrong reasons. eveyone knows that a married man appears more attractive to the opposite sex. it's because he is no longer using his wiles to try to charm maidens. he unintentionally ignores their deepest desire; for some young man to make a fool of himself because he is so beguiled by their feminine beauty. you see my brother, since you genuinely were not interested in this amazon, you had no trouble trying to get her phone number. your indifference toward her, gave you the 'married man' appeal. you even admitted that the the act of getting her phone number was an enjoyable challenge. now here's the scary part my brother; amazons need loving too. this amazon is going to tear you apart, and you probably deserve it. however, let me assure you that it will not kill you. the torture that you are about to experience is all mental. you may even consider it worse than death, but this too shall pass.
m...m...m...my brother ike godsey, once had a similar experience. ike claims that there was no physical contact, however just being held captive, in close proximity to the brutish beast, left him mentally and sexually incompetent for three years. now, let me be the first to say that your amazon already looks like mrs. america in comparison to brother ike's stalker. the worst part is that she still is after his ass. the local game wardens told him four years ago "to go ahead and give her some, so she would leave him alone." but ike would not listen, fortunately you now have that chance. go ahead and get the deed out of your way. with a six pack of malt liquor in you, let your amazon take what she wants and be done with you. you have dug a deep hole, but if you follow the rrw's advice, we may soon have you seeing the light again. (and not just around novelty.)
peace out!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
road rage
Road Rage Wife said...
RRW, I have a wife that just can't drive without getting mad or flipping someone off. She just gets so mad if something doesn't go her way. She drives way to close and has almost had several accidents. I am at the point now that we go on seperate vehicles. I can't stand riding with her. I have almost been tempted to not pay her car payment so that they will come and re-po it. I am just afraid that she will start driving my car or ride with me.
dear road hard and put up whipped,
t...t...t...this is yet another question from a man that does not wear the pants around the house.
let me preach on it....
y...y...y...you write that "she gets so mad if something doesn't go her way." this reminds me of jenny's black panther boyfriend in "forrest gump, " and we all recall the way forrest took it to his ass after mr. black panther slapped jenny. unfortunately your wife doesn't have lyndon b. johnson provoking her, or forrest gump to keep her in line.
d...d...d...don't ask her to slow down and quit tailgating, tell her not to. my brother, you said that you are the one making the payments on her vehicle. why in the wide, wide world of sports would you not be the one making the rules for driving the vehicle for which you're paying?? her bad driving has almost caused several accidents and it seems that she may be close to literally having a rear-ender. the crack of her assing getting ran into by the toe of your boot. and make damn sure that they have to call in the "jaws of wife." ha!
b...b...b...but i digress. dr. phil and oprah would tell you to sit down and talk to her. not only would this be cathartic, it may also be informative. they would say that your wife may not know that she is a bad driver. thus, informing her of her bad habits may be helpful and an emotional purgation for you. but the rrw is here to tell you the truth. there is no need to pussy foot around, and i don't mean that your boot slightly missed her big ole ass, i simply mean that somebody needs to tell you the truth. be a man! be the man!! you don't need to be some pansy riding around on his bike because he is scared to ride with his wife. put your foot down, (or up) and tell her what you're going to do. tell her what she is going to do. don't let her take out frivolous warrants on your good neighbors. tell her to take that handicap sticker off her pt cruiser. unless of course, you took my advice and the "jaws of life" wasn't successfull in the extraction of your boot from her ass. i am embarassed for you, but if you take the rrw's advice you'll be the boss in no time.
peace out!
RRW, I have a wife that just can't drive without getting mad or flipping someone off. She just gets so mad if something doesn't go her way. She drives way to close and has almost had several accidents. I am at the point now that we go on seperate vehicles. I can't stand riding with her. I have almost been tempted to not pay her car payment so that they will come and re-po it. I am just afraid that she will start driving my car or ride with me.
dear road hard and put up whipped,
t...t...t...this is yet another question from a man that does not wear the pants around the house.
let me preach on it....
y...y...y...you write that "she gets so mad if something doesn't go her way." this reminds me of jenny's black panther boyfriend in "forrest gump, " and we all recall the way forrest took it to his ass after mr. black panther slapped jenny. unfortunately your wife doesn't have lyndon b. johnson provoking her, or forrest gump to keep her in line.
d...d...d...don't ask her to slow down and quit tailgating, tell her not to. my brother, you said that you are the one making the payments on her vehicle. why in the wide, wide world of sports would you not be the one making the rules for driving the vehicle for which you're paying?? her bad driving has almost caused several accidents and it seems that she may be close to literally having a rear-ender. the crack of her assing getting ran into by the toe of your boot. and make damn sure that they have to call in the "jaws of wife." ha!
b...b...b...but i digress. dr. phil and oprah would tell you to sit down and talk to her. not only would this be cathartic, it may also be informative. they would say that your wife may not know that she is a bad driver. thus, informing her of her bad habits may be helpful and an emotional purgation for you. but the rrw is here to tell you the truth. there is no need to pussy foot around, and i don't mean that your boot slightly missed her big ole ass, i simply mean that somebody needs to tell you the truth. be a man! be the man!! you don't need to be some pansy riding around on his bike because he is scared to ride with his wife. put your foot down, (or up) and tell her what you're going to do. tell her what she is going to do. don't let her take out frivolous warrants on your good neighbors. tell her to take that handicap sticker off her pt cruiser. unless of course, you took my advice and the "jaws of life" wasn't successfull in the extraction of your boot from her ass. i am embarassed for you, but if you take the rrw's advice you'll be the boss in no time.
peace out!
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