more holiday advice

I am a Jewell said...
RRW, How do I get my wife to have more sex with me?

dear jewell brown jr,
r...r...r...remeber when men talk sex to women, its sexual harassment; but when women talk sex to men it's usually $3.95 per minute. so you need to be very careful, my brother, with this particular subject.
let me preach on it....
rule number one is to remember, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. you may have to apply some malt liquor to the situation. with a six pack in her, you'll look like a farm boy fabio. this will take care of your problem, assuming your problem is your repulsive appearance.
which brings me to the next possibility. your wife might not like you taking such a limp log to the beaver. but, don't be too embarassed by this my brother. with today's advances in medicine, a simple prescription from you family physician, will have your flagpole at full mast in no time. on a personal note, don't go looking at disgusting porn on the internet. if you run across the wrong picture, you may develop a mental scar that no amount of viagra can help. after you have taken care of the first two challenges, it's time to send your children to chuck e. cheese's with grandma, and break out the kinky toys. there is an industrial size ky jelly available for your oversized anal beads, assuming that you retrieved them, re-attached the withdrawl chord and washed them off after last use.....
if neither of these help your situation, we must explore the possibility, that your wife may be a player for the other team. say what?? i know that no man wants to admit that his woman prefers beaver wrestling to the donkey punch, but it's still better than one of my poor neighbors, that is forced to dress like a masochistic canine.
peace out!