dog eat dog world

of all the animal references, i would think that dog allusions would be the most numerous. this shouldn't surprise anyone, afterall dog is man's best friend. i'll bet you can name 10 dog commercials on tv. there is even a song asking 'who let the dogs out?' the rrw would say canines have earned their notoriety. but when your affection turns non-filial, brother you're barking up the wrong tree.
let me preach on it.....
n...n...n...now i know that when someone calls you a dog, it's usually a jocular way of saying that you did something dirty, usually to a member of the female persuasion. also known as; if you lay with a dog, you're going to get fleas. (i.e. finishing a night of pleasure, and then calling her a taxi. the rrw has done this twice, and the young sexual chocolates should trust me when i say, to avoid embarassment make sure that you didn't marry her the night before.) when a female starts a repetitive nag, usually toward their husband, we say they are bitching. bitch is a term used to describe the female dog. now the rrw has broken his boot off in the crack of a few asses for bitching, but the judge has always ruled against the 'no fault, irreconcilable differences,' and piled on the allimony. another embarassing moment. however, the most embarassing thing that i can imagine, is someone catching me acting out a sexual perversion with an imaginary dog. n...n...n...now i've acted out my fair share of perversions, but it sure as hell hasn't been with 'rover,' if you're picking up what i'm putting down.
i know a deprived man will do some strange things, but here's a freaky, little anecdote for you. keep in mind that this entire story is completely make believe.....once upon a time, a very colorful young man (let's just call him red) was doing his nightly walk. red was 7,469 feet from his house when he heard a strange noise coming from his neighbor's building. upon closer observation, red made out the silhouette, of the home owner (let's call him home-o for short), peering out of his building at red. it was at that very moment, the home-o began barking like a dog. in addition to barking, the home-o was yelling to the imaginary dog "down boy!", "sit!" and "don't attack!" wtf?? you may ask if the home-o's wife was present, ("down boy" and "don't attack" would be applicable commands to keep her from assaulting his anus) but according to red she was not. she would have known that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. this continued for nearly five minutes while red checked for the candid camera crew. later my milkman saw the same home-o laying on the ground, on his belly, behind a tree. the milkman watched the home-o for about the same length a time, (five minutes) then decided to shout his name. it was after the shout that the home-o gave him a flippant wave, as if to say "go on, i'm hiding." or maybe "shut up you idiot, she's after me." or probably even "make me a bird so i can fly far, far away." regardless the milkman should have let sleeping dogs lie. whatever the reasons for the home-o's wave, it's not hard to imagine the spiked, dog collar awaiting his capture and return to his home. a home were he definitely isn't top dog. maybe the home-o was just trying to avoid the dog days of summer, but he should've stayed on the porch, seeing how he couldn't run with the big dogs.
peace out!